Mystery and Magic -- Live the Impossible!

In this issue, check out

• Read How to Cure a Sniffling Unicorn, another in Jeanette's series of articles:  Household Hints for the Magical Pet Owner.
  
• Results of September's contest for the $15 gift certificate and news about the November contest. Also, find out about a new contest offered by Dragon Moon Press.
  
• Special offer: You can earn an extra chance at the November contest for an 8-piece Godiva chocolate truffle collection! Find the details in this month's article on How to Cure a Sniffling Unicorn.

How to Cure a Sniffling Unicorn

Another article from Jeanette's Household Hints for the Magical Pet Owner

For the average family, unicorn allergies pose a tremendous problem. While unicorns can cure any disease, allergies are not a disease. They are helpless in their suffering. In addition, that horn can be a deadly weapon during a sneeze. As it happens, our children wear armor most of the time—these amusing little feuds with the neighbors, you know—but my sister once had to take her daughter to the hospital when she was nearly shish-kabobbed during a unicorn sneeze.

Our own Moon Crescent Seraphim—Freckles for short—has been a dear and wonderful family friend for decades. When the recent hay fever season struck her down, I researched possible treatments, and was shocked to discover very little useful material. There were many articles on uses for unicorn dung, unicorn hair, powdered unicorn horn—it's infuriating to see THAT old myth propagated—but nothing at all for curing our beloved friends. Therefore, I've collected for you the combined wisdom of my family and friends, the Internet, several health practitioners, and our local mage-veterinarian. WARNING:  Do NOT attempt to administer these cures without the advice of a qualified professional, which I am not.

First we tried nasal sprays.  Our mage-veterinarian told me that "Intranasal corticosteroids are also seriously underused." After my first attempt to administer them to a sneezing unicorn, it became obvious why this is so. I do NOT recommend it, and no, my shredded jacket was not repairable.

Bee pollen, collected from the legs of bees returning to the hive, is a well known folk remedy for allergies. This may or may not be effective. When I attempted to capture bees to collect their pollen, they got quite irritated, and the queen issued a cease-and-desist order.

Freckles attempted to use her transformational abilities to transform into pure energy and reform into a unicorn without allergies. This appeared to work for a short time, but when symptoms reoccurred, she changed color with every sneeze. This caused problems when a police officer pulled her over for a traffic violation and asked to see her driver's license. "Excuse me, ma'am, but it says here you're white, not blue. I'm going have to ask you to come down to the station…"

A newsletter subscriber, Allison, had suggested that I research alternative uses of nondairy creamer. Ordinarily, I wouldn't have thought of it, but I trust Allison. Regrettably, this caused a sneezing fit of tremendous proportions, spewing nondairy creamer all over the garden. In the spring, I should be able to report on its properties as mulch.

Nostril irrigation. This entails administering saline water through one nostril until it runs out the other.  Although this is a well-known, much-touted palliative for allergy sufferers, Freckles' reaction was an unqualified "ICK!" and she refused to come near me until I'd put away the garden hose.

Antihistamines put Freckles to sleep, so I tried a combination drugs which adds a decongestant stimulant. After that, she slept and woke at thirty second intervals, which made her quite grumpy. She couldn't play tag with the kids, or even prune the roses safely, and complained about it loudly.  She refused another trial.

Wikipedia offered a number of folk remedies. Some are not practical for a sufferer with hooves instead of hands, and once she wound up putting her teeth through her upper lip, but on the whole holding her breath did help, as did looking at bright lights. The local fireflies were a great help.

The sovereign cure, however, was something my youngest son discovered. Magicians specializing in summoning elementals are able to concoct body sprays utilizing the essence of an air elemental. Not a water elemental, mind you—those cause runny noses in the extreme—but an air elemental. Such treatments, which are similar to the "Zone Sweet Air" spell used by sewer technicians--must be re-administered on a weekly basis, but that's a small price to pay for Freckles' peace and quiet, and my sanity. Once we determined that no elementals were harmed in the making of this treatment, we were sold on it permanently.

So, all turned out well for us. I hope that those of you with similar problems have found this article useful. Don't hesitate to e-mail me with any additional remedies you may have effective.

SPECIAL OFFER Suggest a "research topic" for future newsletters, or give me a new idea on how to cure a unicorn's sniffles. E-mail your responses to me (address given at bottom) with the words "Unicorn sniffles" in the title  OR enter your suggestion on my blog. Offer good only for subscribers to my newsletter, as determined by your e-mail address.

What would happen if your little sister runs away, chasing unicorns? Find out in

Sliding on Rainbows by Jeanette Cottrell

Sliding on Rainbows...guarantees a past paced and fun filled adventure meant to stretch the imagination and put a smile on any reader’s face, young or old!

~Diane Sewell, Denise’s Pieces Author Site & Book Reviews

Read about Sliding on Rainbows

Contest Drawing     The winner of the September 15 drawing is:

New Contest, Drawing on November 15, 2006
    An 8-piece truffle selection from Godiva.com!
Everyone who's signed up for my newsletter is eligible. The winner will be notified by e-mail. If there's no response within five days, another winner will be chosen.
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